My Roots Are Dug Up: Making the Decision to Change

With my first house, it didn't make sense to hire someone to do the landscaping.  It was such a small job so I did it myself.   I didn’t mind, nor did I consider it a chore as much.  Mindless activity has always been a way for me to do some good thinking.  So, from this I learned that weeds are really hard to get rid of. I mean, you go in thinking, just pull them up out of the ground, but they’re really hard to do away with for good.  Weeds are no different than any other plant when it comes to the root system.  If they sprout strong above ground, that's because they have a sturdy root system underground.  More than once, I thought about how weeds are like bad habits and ideas that we tend to pick up from the environment we're born into, and in some cases, even our culture.  Ideas that can end up causing all kinds of chaos, and might also keep us from having the life we want.   To me, the worst ideas, and habits, represent the most stubborn of all weeds, the ones that get wedged between cracks in the cement.  Those could be the thoughts and actions we go to automatically.   Getting rid of the bad ideas and habits, I’ve learned, isn’t easy.  It takes diligence, and a good plan.

One thing I've learned about studying groups is that they often assign roles to members.  The role may not be the best for that person to use in playing out his or her life successfully, but it may fit in a way to maintain the status quo of the group they belong to.  Ideas about how we should live and think are often assigned to us.  In a perfect world, these ideas would bring us to our full potential.  Unfortunately, if the information we receive about life is flawed then our root system is flawed.  It's hard to work around a flawed system while trying to bring out your best.  A person can live, for decades, based on the roots of their environment, wondering why the above ground, springing up from their learned habits and ideas, doesn't match up to what they think it should be.

Healthy roots are the anchors of every plant.  They help keep it steady.  I don't want to go too deep into the plant analogy, but the roots are also responsible for secreting certain enzymes that prevent plant disease.  In terms of our own root system, the environment and culture familiar to us, may not only distort how we view our place in the world, but it might also make us sick.  The goal should be to keep your own root system strong like with an actual garden, by digging up the roots of those weeds and planting something healthy and pleasing to the soul.  We're all gifted in one way or another, but sometimes, these gifts are buried under a thicket of weeds.  This thicket of weeds might also be the reason we run into trouble with big life decisions having to do with money, career and relationships.  Are the weeds in your garden limiting you?  It's so easy to be what others expect, especially when their expectations are on the low side.  It's been my experience that following on the path of low expectations makes you feel less alive and less productive.  This can kill the potential for what might be an amazing garden, filled with radiant, exotic flowers and leave you with a, neglected, eye sore patch of land overrun by weeds.

The thing I've learned about change is that once you get over the fear, you start to look forward to it because it just about always leads to a new chapter in life.  We love the familiar because it makes us feel, not necessarily good, but safe.  Deciding to change, might mean stepping outside the boundaries of the familiar and into a new space.  We all like to say that life's a journey.  If we really believe it, then we shouldn't be afraid to move forward.  The first step to change is a decision to simply do something different.   Change can be the helpmate of hope.  It's true that change takes courage.  If you don't think you have it, move forward anyway.  You won't know you do until you get over to the other side.  With change, there may be some missteps, but keep it moving.   As church folk often say, “the test will be your testimony” about how you overcame and you got rid of the weeds by, completely, digging up those roots.   It's a testimony not just for you to feel better, so calm down.  Your testimony gives you a story to tell, so harvest a sense of humility.  You may find yourself telling your story in unexpected spaces because it's more likely that it will be most effective when it’s told in the trenches.  Someone needs to hear that sometimes we’re blessed, not because life is easy, but because it isn’t.  We can be blessed by those challenges that make it necessary for us to move.   We can be blessed simply because we’re able to get up in the morning with the wherewithal to move forward.  When you decide to get at those roots, you’ll feel blessed by the circumstances that compel you to cultivate the courage to grow.  There were more than a few times, during my journey, where faith sat me down in front of someone who told a story about how they overcame a situation, and that story motivated me to push forward.  Giving birth to change requires that you push the new roots up above the surface and into the sunlight, so those pesky weeds won't have any room. I've learned to be watchful of influences, not just with ideas but also people and even places.  It took me a long time to see that place is very important, even when you really don't want to be there, sometimes especially when you don't want to be there.  In your frustration, take a good look around you because you're probably there for a reason.  Of course, when you’re digging up roots, changing the environment is inevitable.  Accept the challenge of new faces.  Get out among people who match up to your gifts and potential, or who are simply motivated to be better.  Don't be afraid to share your desire for change with others who are supportive.  Don’t ever believe you’re not enough to sit in the company of people who can help you get to where you want, or need to be.

I'm coming up on a little over a decade of digging up roots, sometimes having them re-sprout, usually when I get distracted, and then having to repeat the process, but I'm still moving forward.  I'm gaining ground. I know some people say it's not good to look back, but for me it works, just probably not in the way you might think.  I don't look back because I want to be back there.  I look back because every time I see how far I've come, I'm motivated even more to keep it moving.

For the most part, personality can't be changed, but you can change your behavior and your reactions to any situation.  Add gratefulness to your garden.  Gratefulness helps you spot the good in what may seem to be the worst situations.  Keep digging out and pulling up.  Knowing that every problem you think you have presents a teachable moment, and in that moment those weeds cannot hide.  That teachable moment is the seed that can help move you forward.  Life, if you're doing it right, is a never-ending journey.  You'll always be moving into, and through, new challenges and victories.  That’s the best part about being alive.  Make the decision to dig up some of your roots that are simply not working for you, and to get rid of them for good.  From that point on, you'll always be moving toward a better you.

"If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.” ~ Martin Luther King Jr.

Looking for Love: How to Avoid Relationships that Might Mess up Your Life and Decisions Are Destiny: Short Lessons on Decision Making and Life Wisdom for Teens and Young Adults are both available now on Amazon Kindle.

© 2018 Diane Coleman No part of this work, written by the author, may be reproduced, reposted for any website, or print publication, without prior permission.

A Love For Reading is a Life Skill

I'm sure, if I didn't home school my kids in the early years, I would have still been the one to teach them how to read. Teaching them to read was that important to me. I suppose it had something to do with my mother teaching me how to read before I started school. My mother's love for books, and reading, laid the groundwork, for my curiosity about, well just about everything. I learned early on that the answer to anything can, usually, be found in a book. Today, though my children are grown (and almost grown) I still enjoy reading children's books. Recently, I've realized that I missed reading them aloud so much, I became a volunteer in the Born to Read literacy program for pre-schoolers. This experience increased my respect for pre-school teachers. They are, essentially, the gatekeepers to our children's future. They have the power to influence kids in great ways on how they'll understand, and apply, the importance of reading, and learning to their lives. If you're ever in need of something to lift your spirits, let me suggest reading a children's book out loud, even if no one is listening. It will put a smile on your face, especially, if it's a book, you remember from childhood. Books encase our best memories from childhood, whether the reading takes place in the classroom or in the home. It's just always been my personal belief that the reading seed should be planted at home in an atmosphere of love and support, so our children know that the joy, and the usefulness, of reading stretches far beyond school.

I have had a lifelong love affair with both the library and the book store. Once I got to a point, in my educational career, where I could make up my own questions, and then conduct research to prove the answers, I knew that I had, finally, found my calling. I know, not everyone is thrilled with the idea of doing research. I do remember how much of a chore it was for me, when I wasn't able to choose the topic. I get that, but when a child learns to question things, and has an understanding of the best places to find the answers, they create a bridge to critical thinking. Teaching a child to be inquisitive, and in that way to love reading, is unlike any toy, or trinket, you can give because it has so much more value. There's something special about a child's first book. It’s really one of the few gifts that will keep on giving throughout their lifetime. Teaching reading to a child, as early as possible, has been proven to work because the ability to wrap your mind around a concept is strongest early in life. When we teach our children how to flex their thinking muscle often, then like any muscle, it will become stronger as they grow up. Exposing your kids to a lot of books early can also be a first step to college preparation. The more books they read, the better their chance to increase their vocabulary, and gain the perspective needed to ace those writing assignments in the future. There are all kinds of data out there describing a bleak future for economically disadvantaged young people. The truth is that no one can define themselves as disadvantaged once they know the value of reading, and of questioning, the world around them. Because they can build a better world for themselves, and others, just by thinking, critically, about the ideas, they get from reading.

The world is in need of critical thinkers. All the great inventors, entrepreneurs, social critics, and every form of a game-changer, started their journey by questioning how they can improve on an existing idea. We might begin to teach our children how to be innovative by helping them find creative ways to build their own personal library. Teaching children to love a good book is, for the most part, free. I have bought books for as little as a nickel at yard sales, and if you get there late, you may even get them for free. Used books can also be bought at libraries, book discounters, found in just about every other strip mall, and Goodwill Warehouse Outlets where everything is priced a few cents per pound. There are also organizations that give away brand new books to children such as firstbook.org.

The next time you're feeling down about not being able to buy your child those really insignificant gifts, we've been taught to believe are essential, just give the kid a book, sometimes even a used one will do. It really helps if it's on a subject of interest to them. If the book is electronic, or old-school format, really doesn't matter. Either way the book still presents an idea for your child to build on, and it may also contain the power to shape his, or her, destiny.

© 2018 Diane Coleman No part of the above work may be reproduced, reposted for any website, or print publication, without prior permission.

Looking for Love: How to Avoid Relationships that Might Mess up Your Life and Decisions Are Destiny: Short Lessons on Decision Making and Life Wisdom for Teens and Young Adults are both available now on Amazon Kindle.

available now on Amazon Kindle.

The New World of Work and the Survival Skills Our Children Need

At the time of this writing, out of 65 countries, the United States’ global rankings in education are as follows: For reading we are 24th, for math we are 36th, and for science we are 28th[1]. That’s right, we don’t even make the top 10, yet billions of dollars are dumped into our educational system every year. Clearly, too many of our children are being left behind. 40% of all students entering college need remedial courses before taking actual college courses. 65% of professors’ report what's being taught in high school is not sufficient to prepare students for college[2]. Our kids are in trouble, and it’s really not their fault.

Call me naïve if you want, but I believe that all of our children want to learn. We’re all born with some level of curiosity. Adults must engage that curiosity so that children can grow into lifetime learners. I support the homeschooling movement, so I’m not one to put the full responsibility of teaching children onto teachers. I believe it’s also the responsibility of parents. It’s parents who have the first opportunity to spark curiosity, and to encourage a succession of whys that can make learning interesting and, in more cases than not, lead children on to success in whatever way they choose to define it. Realistically, this is a joint effort. We parents need to pick up some of the slack, and get kids to understand that the need to know why is crucial to learning and building a better future, not just for them; that same curiosity can affect growth and change all around.

I’m just finishing Tony Wagner’s book The Global Achievement Gap: Why even our best schools don’t teach the new survival skills our children need and what we can do about it. I’m going to show here, and in future posts, how the points he makes relate to the Microbook, Decisions Shape Destiny:Wisdom for Teens and Young Adults. Without a doubt, Wagner's book is important for adults to read, especially educators and school administrators. On the other hand, the Microbook offers condensed life lessons, on similar topics for the busy teen or young adult.

From the start, Wagner identifies seven survival skills our children will need for the new world of work. He begins with critical thinking and problem-solving skills. Workers, for the most part, used to be expected to do no more than the same thing all day, every day, year after year. Most employers in the new workforce are set to get rid of old industrialized ideas about work. Today, they’re requiring that employees know how to think on their feet and are able to adapt to new and evolving situations. The new workforce will require flexibility and skills in self-management and personal responsibility, which go hand in hand with critical thinking and good decision making. It's important for parents to take the lead in making sure children are capable of building a future for themselves that they can be proud of, a future where they’re able to achieve all their goals. Sure, there are some from my generation, myself included, who weren't taught how to make good decisions. Unfortunately, we often learned from trial and error. Young people today really don't have that luxury. We no longer live in times when bouncing back from a bad decision is easy. In some cases, the wrong decision can ruin a young person's life long before they're mature enough to wrap their mind around the long-term consequences.

In terms of leadership, of course schools will always showcase a few students with the ability, and that’s great, but I think there are potential leaders being left in the shadows, whose talents are not being recognized for a number of reasons. Now, when we prepare all our children for the challenge of personal leadership first, then we just may end up with a larger and more diverse pool of leaders to choose from overall. We need more potential leaders to be brought up to take a place in history. Guess what? Leadership skills are not exclusive to any group. I might add that there’s no reason they should be to a particular family or social-economic class. Some would argue that such a one-dimensional way of thinking is responsible for our current leadership crisis. That being said, critical thinking is a good skill for our young people to develop for when they're old enough to vote. When they head for the voting booth, it can help them base their choices on more than nice words and popularity, and on the true substance of a candidate. The bottom line is that progress, whether social, political, or economic, is fueled by change. It's fueled by different ways of thinking through a problem. Parents shouldn't lay the responsibility of teaching these skills on schools because, frankly, maybe they will, and maybe they won't, but there comes a time in each life when critical thinking, or the lack of it, can make or break anyone’s future.

To encourage critical thinking, parents should make time to discuss (and even debate) with their children on events happening, not just in our country, but around the world. Right now, world news is at everybody's fingertips. Most of it's delivered in sound bites, which take only a few seconds to digest, so there’s no excuse for adults to not be current on topics other than what celebrities are doing. Discussing current events with your children helps them understand that the world is bigger than their neighborhood, and can lead them to have a more global perspective about life in general. For little ones, we can ask questions about the books we read to them. Ask about the choices the characters make within a story. Get them to think about what they might do under the same or similar circumstances. As parents, we must encourage our children to be inquisitive and to challenge themselves, even if no one else does. They should be taught to take personal responsibility for what they learn and to not be afraid to ask how or why, of course not in a defiant, or a disrespectful way, but with curiosity.

Critical thinking inspires an entrepreneurial spirit. Multi-billion dollar companies, nowadays, are formed around simple ideas. Because most of these companies involve digital technology, they may only require a small amount of money to start up. Looking forward, some economists believe that self-employment may become the new normal for the job market. So, our kids must be trained to think like innovators. They should become skilled at planning, setting goals, turning an idea into reality, or perhaps more importantly, turning it into income. Self-reliance is the key to unlock the potential of all our children and not leave any behind. At this point, in our collective history, there's no denying that we're in need of innovative leaders who can tackle the ills of society with a fresh approach. The promise of real change is in our children. The dream will always be in our children. They do have what it takes if we just allow them a chance. One of the first steps for parents and teachers is to instill in them the power of curiosity and ideas. If we can just do that for them, even if they fall short, at least we can be assured they will, definitely, have the skills needed to manage their own lives as adults.

[1] According to geographic.org (2015)

[2] Tony Wagner. The Global Achievement Gap. New York: Basic Books, 2008

© 2015 Diane Coleman. No part of the above work may be reproduced, reposted for any website, or print publication, without prior permission.

Looking for Love: How to Avoid Relationships that Might Mess up Your Life and Decisions Are Destiny: Short Lessons on Decision Making and Life Wisdom for Teens and Young Adults are both available now on Amazon Kindle.